FIRST REACTION
it's been a while since I didn't do this shit, but hey, I'm back with a first reaction to this sixteen track, seventy something minutes long Lana del Rey album, Lust for Life. it looks bloated. this is not looking good. but I'll delve into the pits of hell, and I will return victorious -- at least that's what I want. so let's begin.

note: I write these whilst listening to the songs. also, read this beautiful first reaction to the sound of this beautiful song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xs0XzbC4zUI

FIRST SONG: LOVE
and so the new Lana del Rey album begins. the vocals are sleepy. who put "alternative" as a tag? I'm suffering slowly here, and the chorus does not evoke anything here. nothing to emotive or exciting here, just an overly atmospheric headache of a song. love, my ass. this song makes me glad that I'm lonely as fuck. also, me trying to find a girlfriend is just like communism: it never worked.
gonna slap this a 1/10

SECOND SONG: LUST FOR LIFE
the weeknd is here, lana is being dramatic with her vocals, and I wanna eat. I'm hungry. it's so atmospheric, again. I wanna sleep. this is so corny. making a sleepy voice does not make you sexy, lana. it just makes you corny.
one outta ten

THIRD SONG: 13 BEACHES
WAAAAAAHHH DRAMATIC PIANO..... SADNESS!! I FEEL LIKE A TUMBLR GIRL NOW!!!! "HOW I WISH I HAD SOMEONE TO KISS BUT I'M UGLY AS FUCK AND HAIRY AS SHIT!!!!" - some tumblr girl. ok this is boring. I cannot wait to listen to some fugazi after I finish this album. I most definitively will need some repeater, some red medicine to keep me awake. my mom said that fugazi sounded like the name of an italian restaurant. "pouls you're not even talking about the song here" this shit is boring as fuck, what do you want me to do.
1/10 again

FOURTH SONG: CHERRY
oh shit I heard a yuhhhh in the background, fuck my life. this is not that bad, it's actually a strong 4/10. yeah it's a bad score but in the context of this album thus far it's the better moment here. still trash, but hey, it's not that bad.

FIFTH SONG: WHITE MUSTANG
OH MY GOD LANA, STOP WITH THE FUCKING DRAMA. EVERYTHING IS SAD, YOU DIDN'T GET THAT BOY'S NUMBER AND SHIT. FUCK THAT! REALLY. FUCK THAT.
0/10

SIXTH SONG: SUMMER BUMMER
oh fuck my life
0/10

SEVENTH SONG: GROUPIE LOVE
fuck my life 2: electric boogaloo
1/10

EIGHTH SONG: IN MY FEELINGS
more atmosphere and that shit, blah blah blah. you know what, this album is not diverse at all thus far. just one bland and incredibly atmospheric track after the other. Lana, sing with passion! SSSIIIIINNNNNGGG, LANA! I BELIEVE IN YOU! But truth be told, this is thus far such a boooooorrrinng album. 1/10

NINTH SONG: COACHELLA - WOODSTOCK IN MY MIND
oh yeah, coachella is definitively the modern day woodstock. lana singing "what about the children" reminds me of moe from the simpsons. there was that one simpsons episode in which homer and marge were having sex in a children's park, and moe said that. which is something that isn't of moe's nature at all. there are even children cheering in this song. fuck my life. 0/10

TENTH SONG: GOD BLESS AMERICA
oh great more tepid and overly atmospheric music... god bless america gunshots... MIA did it better... much better. oh, and paper planes reminds me of borat for whatever reason. borat is great. 0/10

ELEVENTH SONG: WHEN THE WORLD WAS AT WAR WE KEPT DANCING
LANA DEL REY, I AM GOING TO THROW COLD WATER AT YOU, HOLY SHIT IS THIS SONG BORING AS FUCK. HOLY SHIT, STOP MAKING SLEEPY AND OVERLY ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC. LUST FOR LIFE, MY ASS! THIS IS LUST FOR MY SLEEP, MOTHERFUCKER!!! 0/10

TWELFTH SONG: BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE BEAUTIFUL PROBLEMS
guess what, more of the same old boring ass slog shit. Lana, make something more diverse, please. 0/10

THIRTEENTH SONG: TOMORROW NEVER CAME
reminds me of take a walk on the wild side a little bit with the instrumental for whatever reason. but fucking shit, this is a boring ass song. Sean Ono Lennon makes this song much better, though. 3/10

FOURTEENTH SONG: HEROIN
OH GOD NO... Heroin is also the name of one of my favorite Velvet Underground songs... off of my favorite album of theirs... FUCK! Still though, this song is still boring as shit, you feel me? It's nearly six minutes long and I could be listening to something else. you know, I could be listening to something else right now, but no, I'm stuck listening to Llama del Rey. 0/10

FIFTEENTH SONG: CHANGE
take a guess on how this song sounds like. just take a guess. yes, it's yet another tepid song with nothing truly interesting or compelling to it. 1/10

SIXTEENTH SONG: GET FREE
how to end this album? well, in the most unrewarding and uninteresting way possible! at least it does have a quite final feeling to it, but it's still an incredibly tepid song that has no guts to it. 2/10

CONCLUSION
yeah this album sucks. lana del rey, or llama del rey, came through with one of the most boring albums that I heard this year. I don't see the appeal of this album at all as well, it's just so monotone and sleepy, not providing anything truly interesting or compelling. she just comes through with one hell of a slog, and she does not provide anything that is truly all that remarkable.

can I understand why so many people love this album? no, not really. it is an enigma to me why so many people are fond of this album, because there are so many bad things about this album, and all of these things make this album such a tepid snoozefest to me. there's nothing too remarkable about this thing.

it's poop.
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