regarding the hate forums and messages: I do not blame anyone. As I said in my story, I still respect the Russian language and the culture, I have no anger or resentment towards anyone. Nobody is to blame. But it is probably for the best that I take this break from the language for some time. I do NOT harbor any ill-will towards it. I think it is just as beautiful as the day I first started learning it. But I have been told that I am a whore, bitch, slut, and deserve death because of it.
Yes, I should have been prepared to receive hate while making a social account. But I was not expecting to be threatened to such a drastic extent, sexualized speculation of me being a man, and told I will be raped or killed. As for BLM: My understanding of it, as an American, is different from that of a Russian. I understand and respect those differences. I do not advocate for violence. I believe there is a need for judicial reform in America. But even so, I have never tried to impose my beliefs upon anyone. My account has never been political. I have never spoken about it. I had BLM in my bio to indicate that it was a safe space for everyone, regardless of their skin color, orientation, etc. Three letters. That was the extent of me “expressing my political views.” We are all human. We all deserve equality. We deserve our individual happiness, we deserve to live. I respect freedom of speech, and a person’s right to a different opinion. I have never tried to argue with anyone or force them to agree with me.
You are beautiful. You are loved. You matter. You can think differently from someone, and still respect those differences. I believe those who try to hurt others were first hurt by something in their own life, so they take this aggression out
on whoever they can. I empathize with this, and I understand.
I only wish happiness for you, my friends, and happiness to the people who hate me as well. I hope you will all find your peace. You deserve a good life- everyone deserves a chance at that. Spread kindness. “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Once again, your existence matters. You are loved. Do your best, and be proud of yourself for making it this far.