When I sat down for my first Modern FNM last week, I didn't really know what to expect. I had heard stories and legends on the Internet before of the wondrous, magical experiences people had at their first sanctioned events, but I didn't assume any of that would happen to me. I just wanted to play some Magic. Little did I know I would receive much more.

My opponent -- I don't remember his name -- shook my hand, sat down, and began to shuffle his deck. I did likewise, eyeing him over to read his body language. He seemed cool, calm and collected, like he knew he had this game in the bag already. I was pretty worried, but I wasn't going to show it. I might be playing the spiciest, jankiest homebrew ever created, but damn if I wasn't going down without a fight.

We handed each other our decks to cut them. I knew something was wrong the second I wrapped my fingers around his plain black sleeves -- my life drained from my hands, leaving them cold and soulless, devoid of any energy. I haphazardly split his deck and nearly threw it back at him, all too eager to get the accursed cards away from me. I should have seen what was coming next.

I went first. I drew my opening hand, and sighed deeply as I met the unfortunate sight of no lands whatsoever. I had my Séance and Revel in Riches there, but without a way to cast them, nobody would ever see the absolute beauty of my hand-crafted deck I tried to get a clean recording of on Xmage. I looked up into my opponent’s eyes and growled “go”.

Amused, he drew his card and confidently slammed down one of the most horrifying things I had ever watched unfold in front of my very eyes: Urza’s Tower. “Go,” he said, his deep voice booming throughout the room and echoing in my ears. I was quite shook.

My hands trembling, knees weak, and arms heavy, I drew a card. Great, just what I needed: a Meandering Towershell. It was looking grim for me -- this game was going to be over before it started. Meekly, without even looking away from my hand, I muttered “go…”

My opponent was unbuttoning his shirt with one hand and holding his seven cards with the other. He drew a card and immediately slammed down an Urza’s Mine, the force of the card hitting the table sending shockwaves through the store. It must have registered on the Richter scale. “Go.”

I sighed again. It was over. No matter what I drew, the next turn would be an instant win for my opponent and his scummy netdeck. I had no choice but to concede. Pensively, I said “scoop,” and began to pick up my deck to shuffle it with my hand.

But my opponent had other plans. He dropped his Urza's Power Plant onto the table, and tapped the three cards there. With a wicked grin on his face, he then put down Karn, staring into me with eyes that pierced my soul.

“Fuck Tron…” I grumbled.

“No,” a deep voice resonated from behind me, “Tron fucks you.”

I whirled around in my chair to find the Silver Golem looming above me, his arms across his chest, Ancient Stirrings clearly visible in his loins. I gasped in horror and nervously looked around for help, but all I could see was the enveloping despair as my opponent and Karn slowly crept towards me.

I was desperate. I couldn't succumb to a filthy netdeck this easily. “W-wait!” I cried, “Negate! I'm countering this spell!”

Karn laughed. “Are you stupid? That spell does literally nothing.”

Before I had a chance to respond, my arms and legs were already in the grasp of Karn and his controller.

“No! Please! I--” I started, before my opponent jammed his Pithing Needle into my mouth. I couldn't say anything, let alone name a card, leaving me completely helpless. My cries were muffled by the girthy artifact thrusting in and out of my mouth, and I couldn't respond at all to the firm squeeze of the Liberated on my lower body. I could do nothing but cry as my entirely reality was smashed by their ceaseless hunger.

The two took their time reshaping my matter before they were close to finishing up. Karn and his controller were nearly fatally pushed over the edge as I felt the unmistakable sensation of a Ratchet Bomb going off inside of me.

My opponent, out of breath, began to put his deck back in his box, leaving me a shivering mess on the floor. “Easy 3-0,” he said, getting up from his chair and starting to walk out of the store. “I'm glad you took the Internet's advice and pooped.”

I couldn't say anything. All I could feel was cold emptiness surrounding me as I continued to lay on the floor and replay the terrible misplays that had happened to me. Sighing with my last ounce of breath, I whispered angrily, “this wouldn't have happened if Splinter Twin weren't banned.”

>>45634

>1. чё за пиздец, меня хуесос 1 картой выиграл

заснять карту не успел, короче кабан, который баффается от каждой карты леса
Если тебя выиграли плохой картой, значит и игрок ты не очень.

>2. какие-то лаги тяжёлые во время матча появились, чё у вас с серваками?

Игрулька да, ресурсов жрёт у некоторых. Ну и стресс тест жеж.

>3. это насколько 10/10 лега мне попалась в паке?

Малополезный бивень в одном из худших сейчас цветовых сочетаниях из 10.
>>45642

>Алсо, почему они такие жиды?

Потому что сейчас тест, а не благотворительная акция?

>А драфт тут стоит 10 долларов

Драфт тут стоит 4-5 дней неспешного ковыряния дейликов.

>А драфт тут стоит 10 долларов, ирл он по-моему дешевле стоит.

5. Ирл он не будет стоить дешевле трёх бустеров с носа.

>Плюс игру позиционируют как вечный стандарт

Откуда дровишки?
>>45643

>Распишите что делать новичку в мтг арене?

Щупай стартеры и смотри чем играют оппоненты. Луркай всякие деклисты, видео и определяйся с тем, что хотел бы собрать. Можешь попробовать себя на драфтах (в инете полно гайдов).

>Куда тратить золото?

Смотря что больше хочется - если нужна конкретная колода, то бери бустеры нужных сетов. Если просто хочешь стейплов, то Доминария и Иксалан (мб ещё Амонхет), во многом из-за дуалочек - мой выбор. Если есть какая-то уже колода, то можешь попробовать в констрактеде платном погриндить. Драфты тоже ок, на дистанции достаточно выгодно если не хоть немного можешь.

>Поясните за дракона он крутой?

Обычный "вау" бивень для Тимми, то есть никакой. По идее можно попробовать сломать через манипуляции с топдеками (но не нужно).

>>45647
Тут не самые убогие стартеры, часть из которых можно грейдить. У тебя миллион халявных карт из Каладеша, в том числе по комплекту топовейших. Есть бюджетные деки и деки, в которых можно ряд карт заменить на варианты попроще, есть колоды с кучей карт из Каладеша.
BG - змея на самом деле худо-бедно из говна и палок собирается. УВ-Гифты (или комба на камнях, лол). Кто ищет тот всегда найдёт.
>>45664
Зря ты так. Я недособранным шлангом в бо3 констрактед хуже чем 3-2 почти никогда не играл, RDW можно начинать собирать из говна и палок и гриндить ладдер или квики, например.

>полторы дэки, я скозал!

Rakdos Aggro11119 %
Red Deck Wins7513 %
Golgari Aggro427 %
Mono Green Aggro366 %
Dimir Midrange285 %
Orzhov Aggro254 %
Selesnya Aggro92 %
Gruul Aggro81 %
Sultai Aggro71 %
Esper Midrange61 %
Weenie White51 %
Tokens41 %
Grixis Aggro41 %
Boros Aggro20 %
UR Aggro20 %
Mardu Aggro20 %
Mono Black Aggro20 %
Naya Aggro10 %
Merfolk10 %
Vampires10 %
Dinosaurs
UW Control6311 %
Esper Control417 %
God-Pharaoh's Gift Control326 %
UB Control122 %
Mono Black Control81 %
Jeskai Control81 %
Improvise61 %
Grixis Control61 %
Golgari Control41 %
Bant Control20 %
Green Ramp20 %
Tower Control10 %
Rakdos Control10 %
Izzet Control10 %
Orzhov Control10 %
Sultai Control10 %
Mono White Control

The following changes take effect on Magic Online on July 25:

Rules change: You may only have one commander. Creatures with a partner ability function as if they did not have that ability.

The following cards are no longer banned in 1v1 Commander:

- Ancient Tomb
- Brainstorm
- Chrome Mox
- Demonic Tutor
- Dig Through Time
- Enlightened Tutor
- Entomb
- Gaea's Cradle
- Imperial Seal
- Mana Crypt
- Mana Drain
- Mana Vault
- Mox Diamond
- Mystical Tutor
- Necropotence
- Ponder
- Preordain
- Sol Ring
- Sylvan Tutor
- Treachery
- Treasure Cruise
- Vampiric Tutor
- Vial Smasher the Fierce
- Worldly Tutor
- Yawgmoth's Bargain