When the trailers first came out for it, I thought it was just another one of those Disney films that I would see maybe once or twice and that would be it. Maybe it would become a new favorite, right after Lilo and Stitch and the Lion King.

It went beyond that. Way beyond that.

A few months or so before the film came out, I found myself in an extremely dark place where suicidal ideation shifted to more solid plans.

I had botched attempts before, my most recent being three years ago (to which I still do not know how I survived it) and I didn’t want another attempt to go wrong.

And yes, before anyone suggests it, I’ve been getting help since I was a kid. Multiple medications have been tried, multiple therapy methods, XYZ.

I was done. I began isolating myself from my friends. I lost interest in all of my hobbies. I rarely left my bed. I pretty much just lost the will to keep going after it was becoming clear to me that the harder that I was working, trying to fix my life, the worse things were getting.

All I wanted to do was escape my failing health, extreme debt, possible impending homelessness, and my stupid shattered dreams. I promised myself one last Disney film. I had waited long enough for it, ever since the concept was first announced.

Afterwards, I planned to end my life. I bought a transit card that had just enough on it to take me to where I would do it. There was no going back. I had no intention of telling anyone my plans because, due to my lying depression, I felt like no one cared. My method had less than a 1% chance of survival and, if I did it correctly, while it would take about four seconds, there would be no pain. That was the most important part to me.

I cannot be more grateful that I saw the film.

I cannot be more grateful that it touched me the way that it had and saved me from making a very VERY big mistake.

I think I cried a good four or five times during it and teared up more times than I can count. I actually can't listen to Try Everything without tearing up again, haha. At first, it was just the animation and art that moved me but as the movie progressed, it was the story itself.

I found too many parallels. I think that’s what did it.

I moved to the area that I live in now almost three years ago, hired full-time at a great firm, fresh out of my internship and one semester away from my degree. Living here was a goal I busted my ass towards for years. It was my "Zootopia". I wanted to be around my friends. I wanted to be closer to my boyfriend because years of an LDR was starting to get pretty rough for me.

The best part? I moved 3000 miles away from an abusive household where the people did more harm than good in my life. I got out of the world where I was labeled as a burden, a waste, an expense, and a failure and where those labels were so deeply ingrained in my mind that they're still so very difficult to shake.

I was finally free.

I remember how bright eyed and bushy tailed I was. I was going to prove all of the people who called me a failure wrong. The ones who told me that I couldn’t do the things I dreamed of. I was the first to go to college. I was the first to graduate. The entire time, I was told to settle. I was told that no one in the family was "comfortable" and that like generations before, I would always be in a struggling low income class. Despite being told how much my education was a waste of time and money, regardless of going to a college and majoring in something that they approved of. I got my two degrees (one being completely paid for with a full scholarship). I tried to not let the disappointment of my family take away my own pride and remind myself that all that hard work paid off.

I watched those dreams shatter around me.

6 months later, that position was cut.

Since then, I haven’t been able to find anything more than a contract gig working customer support. Benefits? What are those? They sound nice! I’ve been trying to teach myself some programming languages on the side to try and make myself more desirable to employers. I’ve been uprooted every 3-6 months. I consider every job and every apartment temporary. I managed to rack up around $30,000 in medical bills thanks to a hit and run accident (where I was the pedestrian) and a very severe case of Epstein-Barr that’s pretty much wiped out my immune system and is now with me for life. I've been told that it can take from 8 months to 2 years for me to fully recover. I've been told to

The last three months of my life was spent trying to heal, in and out of the hospital, monitoring my liver to check for any signs of failure, and hoping that a couple of internal organs weren't about to rupture since this was a real possibility. I went to work sooner than I should have after the virus tested negative for the first time and, two weeks ago, I found myself back on my butt due to complications from it. I live in a bedroom and owe so much back rent that the fear of eviction is constantly looming over me.

Goals that I had planned on achieving just didn’t pan out. Goals and methods to fix the fallout from that were not working either. I promised myself that I would never go hungry. I promised myself that a debt collector would never call me. I promised myself that I would never go to bed, terrified that I would be homeless the next day.

Those were foolish things to promise.

It’s terrifying and I hate what I’ve become with the frustration of not knowing how to change my current situation.

But watching how Judy dealt with her dreams crumbling around her and how she still pushed through gave me some sort of glimmer of hope. She stayed optimistic through it all. She didn’t let the world drag her down, despite all the forces against her.

Her line about filling out 200 tickets before noon? At that point in the theater, my boyfriend turned in his seat and pointed at me. I say things like that all the time! "I never quit!" was another.

In the end, everything worked out for her.

It wasn't a divine intervention that saved me. It wasn't anything like that. It was a bunny.

And part of me feels bad that that bunny broke through what love from those around me couldn't.

I’m sure it’s hella creepy for a 27-year-old woman to walk around with a small plush of a bunny cop on her person at all times but it’s a reminder to me to keep fighting. She's the one who kept me from making a very VERY stupid decision.

I don’t know what my future will hold for me. I don’t know if things will get better or not or if I'll continue to keep finding myself deeper and deeper in this pit. I don't know if I'll eventually come out on top or not, if this is what finally will turn things around for me or if this is something that is just delaying the inevitable for the foreseeable future.

I can only Try Everything.

>>625159

> Ни туда, ни сюда?

Со старым ОПом тебя не сравнивали, мы изначально ругали тебя за вниманиеблядство и неймфажество. Просто доказав, что ты старый ОП, ты получил право на то, чтобы носить имя. Это не отменяет греха вниманьканья

> Потому что ничего. Но кричать о "что-то делал, а ты нет" ты можешь.

А вот тут проскакивает твоя еретическая логика. В конфе ты привык к уважению, ты же, сука, Виски, великий ОП! И это правда достойно уважения. Но общаясь здесь ты всегда будешь нисходить до обычных анонов. Ты ответил ему как анон, и получил ответ как анон. А ты давишь авторитетом, не надо так. Мы поймём, если ты в нужных ситуациях будешь его применять. Но злоупотребление непростительно. Шутеечка в том, что тут реально каждое мнение может существовать (не напоминает девиз Зверополиса, кстати?). Ты тут не Господь Б-г, ты просто, улови сравнение, как уважаемый старичок, который вдруг начал ругать машины. И мы относимся к тебе снисходительно, объясняем. Ведь подобно уголовному кодексу в Зоотопии, и тут существуют грехи, запретные темы, посягающие на основы Двача. Да-да, вся эта лапша про вниманиеблядство (и нифига это, кстати, не лапша, это моя и, возможно, не только моя позиция, причём прекрасно описанная, я просто душу вложил, ващет). Но тут мы натыкаемся на краеугольный камень твоей мысли.

> А это Зоотопия-тред, и вертел я ваш двач, имиджборды и абу вокруг хвоста плешивого хорька.

Ты свято веришь в уникальность этого треда, упоминаешь некие иные правила. Но есть одна проблема. Читай по складам: э-то не кон-фа. Это тред на доске /c/, которая расположена на Дваче. А значит она подчиняется правилам Двача и интернетов, хочешь ты того или нет. И большинство здесь — это аноны, до этого сидевшие в других тредах или гулявшие по другим доскам в ридонли. И они принесли сюда культуру — ага, каламбур — культуру Двача, его философию. Это как полис в Греции, суть в людях, его населяющих. Вот в чём суть. Форма неотделима от содержания. Нельзя обсуждать Зверополис на Дваче не "по-двачевски". Ты пытаешься принести сюда культуру своей конфы, а мы её отвергаем, что, чёрт возьми, логично! И правильно, что важно. Хватить говорить, что Зоотопия-тред особенный. Нет, не особенный. Мы будем обсуждать наш любимый мультфильм так, как мы привыкли, даже несмотря на то, что это несогласуется с твоим идеалом общения. Вот, высказался. Надеюсь, ты понял меня? Это важно. И напоследок, попробуй, пожалуйста, перечитать про вниманиеблядство и, как ты удачно сказал, принципы анонимности в постах выше. Мне было бы очень приятно, если бы ты смог оценить их по достоинству. Но раз нет, так нет, я не заставляю. В конце концов, для таких, как вы, и есть та конфа, верно? Добра всем.