Сегодня был хороший улов. Слова очень качественные попались. Хоть и мало, но это из-за времени.

День №5:
50 минут - аниме. 2 серии "Slam Dunk!".
25 минут - создание новых карточек.
20 минут - чтение. Визуальная новелла.
10 минут - анки. 5 новых карточек.

https://lainsafe.delegao.moe/files/163269958694654.png

На некоторое время этот пейс приму как должное.
На некоторое время этим пейсом хорошо.
Какая же смешная хуйня - мазаровать (миксить) три языка одновременно.

У меня кончаются картинки для записей.
Раньше, когда был профиль в ВК - их было дохуя.
Был постоянный источник.
А из остальных соцсетей сижу только в /dr/ на этой АИБ, в сникерсе с другом, в телеге, которая только для универа, и на ючюбе для музыки.
А файловую систему часто чищу, и весь мусор (включая все картинки, скриншоты и видео) - удаляю.
Теперь ради нахождения картинок приходится выходить на волю и их прямо вот искать.
Немного 困る.

Вторая серия выдалась очень тяжелая.
Опять драки. Чуть не опоздали на матч.

На создание карточек слишком много времени уходит.
Нужно как-то автоматизировать.

Все, что попало в интернет однажды - навсегда там и останется.
Мне это не нравится.
Как проклятие.
Ну и что, что я лет 10 назад в переписке что-то там сказал...

Why the fuck am I so mentally unstable?
One second I would feel great.
The other second I would feel awful.
My behavior changes a lot based on under what mood I am at that moment.
And it really sucks because I want stability.

The only way out of this I can think of is to abstract away from everything and everyone.
I mean, things like listening to music, reading news, watching YouTube, reading Social Media, talking to people IRL and through IM.
Why and how would it help me in that regard, you may ask? Well, it's just my guts telling me that.
I have been thinking of these changes a lot in the past few years, and I want to implement them in my life.
The only sources that I would allow to influence me is video games (including visual novels), anime, manga, light novels and books.
I need nothing else.
In general, I want my life to be dedicated to being able to enjoy these things and take away from these things as much as possible, and all the other things like 'work' are to be treated as necessities to cover up for my basic needs.

And on the topic of that, I want to have as less things as possible in terms of ones that I need to control.
What I mean by that is that I need to strive for [a] life where I have shifted all of my responsibilities to other entities and the only things that I need to think of and care about are the ones I mentioned above.
Like, if I have my parents alive, I would need to have somewhere in the back of my mind the question whether they are fine or not. Not necessarily because I care for them or anything like that, but because they provide me with money, and if they are gone, then I'm fucked.
I need to somehow have someone and/or something (different ones) to cover all of the bullshit like 'food, money, housing' that I also can be in 100% confident in, so that these 'entities' would not randomly die or abandon me.
Also, the ones that I can use as backups if the main ones are gone.
So, again, my attention and my mind always should be focused on the important stuff, and all the unimportant stuff should be outsourced in a way that I would not have to think and control the entities I have outsourced the unimportant stuff to.

I hate to admit that, and I have a rule not to exploit anyone, but I kinda want and like doing that.
I want other people to 'be into me', I want other people to do things for me.
I am not a leader, I am the one to be leaded, BUT that manifests into things like me trying to adapt to others, also to the fact that I care for my appearance and image (in terms of how I appear on public).
It's like I want for people to be 'trapped into me' and for them to start being the entities that I have talked about above.
That's probably why I am intentionally and unintentionally doing certain thing to appear in a way that would 'tilt' the others into me and for them to eventually become my 'puppet'.

What a stupid wording.

Fuck, I can't into English.
I need to start improving it really badly.
I should start reading something [or something like that].
I think I can get my point across in all cases and circumstances, but my wording is really 'blend' and I hate reusing words.

I like the second ending of 男子高校生の日常.
Actually, the first one as well, but anyways.
The whole anime is really enjoyable, too.
I hope I would not drop it.

It's like a meme with Doge (but me instead) or something like that at this point.
What a good anime/vn!
I am sure I will not drop it after reading/watching more than half of it!

All right.
I've decided.
I've found the meaning of life.
At least for the following year.

And so it follows:
Every day, I would spend exactly 5 hours on Japanese.
And that would be until the 1st January of 2023.
Starting today - this very day.

And I would create a note describing what I did exactly.
And it would be [posted [in]] here.

How exactly I arrived at this is complicated, but my thought process is the following:
I would not disperse myself to several different things and would concentrate all of my focus and attention on Japanese.
That way, I could be sure that I'm moving forward and that I'm not stuck.

The point is in using my time as much 有効に as possible.
I have university.
As long as I am keeping up with it everything is fine.
I have Japanese.
As long as I'm moving forward in learning it then everything is fine.

My life is nothing more but these two things.
Everything else do not exist.
It's only me and these two things.

Also, I think it's just a way of escaping from reality.
If I would completely 'submerge' into japanese & studying, then.
I would not have to think about how much of a failure I am.

One more thing.
If anyone would want to contact me on any topic, then.
That certain anyone can send me an email to
splaS~UshANUScumau+2lloverPUNCTUMm\Jje
And I would reply (see the first 'paragraph' of >>41166).

I am on a streak with Japanese.
In two days I've learned 115 new words.
It took me 5 hours yesterday and 5 hours today.
I even managed to do something else besides that.
I feel like I am capable of working 10 hours a day as long as I'm constantly switching between different activities.
What I mean by that is that I would always do something productive, but switching right away to something else productive the moment I start feeling tired [bored].
Let's say I would start the day by doing some Japanese, and then in 2 hours after I'm burned out by 'Anki & Reading' I would do my homework, and then after some amount of minutes/hours I would switch to some books, and then to programming, and then back to Japanese, and then... and this is for 10 hours straight.
All the activities would share the feature of being productive ways of spending my time, although they may be completely different ones.

This reminds [reminded] me.
I remember two years ago I managed to study a lot of Japanese in almost a month of a time.
I lived alone at that time and had 16 hours of the day to do whatever the heck I want[ed] to do.
I've learned a lot of words, watched a lot of anime, read a lot of visual novels.
Literally 16 hours a day were dedicated to nothing but immersing in Japanese.
https://lnsf.itzzen.net/uploads/6189aa6c7653d9.81083961.png

The problem with large amount of words is that the first few days/weeks they would feel really easy, whatever amount of new words you may be learning, but they would accumulate and in several weeks you would find yourself spending 5 hours on Anki just to get through the reviews.

I had an idea that all of the time that I'm awake I would do Japanese.
I eat watching anime. I go walking watching anime. I take dumps watching anime. Without fucking subtitles. Just raw Japanese and nothing else. I would take showers with anime playing in the background.
No second wasted without Japanese.
I would read to the point of finding 70 new words.
I would learn all of them the same day, would review all the previous ones.

One interesting story how I spent the new year of the year 2020.
It was 10 PM.
My mother called me and invited me to her home and I refused, but she really insisted and I thought "fuck it's the most special day of the year and how could I refuse to spend some time with my mother".
I took a train and came to her home. I watched anime all the way to the train station, while I was inside, and on the way to my mother's home.
I literally was there for an hour and all the time I was watching anime on my smartphone.
She invited me to stay at her place, so that we can meet the new year together. And I refused and went back. Lol.
Then I went back and again watched anime all the way to home.
It was 2 AM and the 1st of January. I was really pissed off that I am behind my schedule to learn 70 new words and I somehow managed to do it before 7 AM and then instantly fell asleep.

It was pretty wild if you think about it.
I would dump all of my life and time into Japanese.
I would not celebrate the New Year, I refuse to stay at my mother's place and go back home just to learn fucking Japanese.
I miss those days really much.
And I hate myself for not being able to pull it through till the very end.
If I did succeed at that time, I would not be here today.

I graduated from High School that year.
I had an idea that I would do all the things gradually.
Firstly I would dump all of me into Japanese before I could be extremely proficient in it, with an idea that it would take around 2 years of full-day-me.
And then one or two years of full-day-me dedicated to skills.
I thought 'higher education' like university and things like 'regular jobs' are for social-normie-losers and I am unique and would have my own path.
And I ended up being the person who I hated the most.
How funny is that.
How fucking funny is that.

I can take the same strategy again.
I can drop the university and immerse myself completely in one activity.
Money no problem. Housing no problem. Food no problem.
I would shut myself off from the world completely and do nothing but one activity.
BUT I WON'T SUCCEED.
I FAILED AT THAT TIME AND WOULD FAIL AGAIN.

I need to have a backup plan.
I am forced to engage in 'normal' activities and pursue this path because I know the other one I would not be able to pull through.

I would eventually succeed, but it would take a lot of time, and this is the main problem.
Because my time is limited.
Because I am not a genius.
Because I have no enough discipline.
Because I have no character.

I am just an ordinary person.

And I won't be able to do it fast enough.
And I am who I am.

>>46238

> But to also conceive no one but myself in the things that's being said.

Convince. Sorry, Nano.

While doing one particular activity, I have experienced a feeling that could be described in the following way:
"OH MY GOODNESS I REALLY REALLY LIKE IT"
"I WISH I COULD DO IT 10 HOURS A DAY"

And it's not something lewd - no.

The point is.
It was without any plans or anything.
Without forcing myself into doing it.
Just something that I do really enjoy myself doing.

I remember, like, when I could read Visual Novels all day long,
And then go to sleep,
And after waking up continuing to read it.
Just by the fact that I greatly enjoyed it so much that my hands were trembling by reading the lines so that I had to take fucking breaks so that my brain wouldn't explode, and I would go away from the PC and just go around my room thinking (with the eyes closed) how fucking cool the Visual Novel is and how I WANT TO READ IT SO MUCH OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS JUST LET ME BE ABSORBED IN IT AND NEVER EXPERIENCE ANYTHING ELSE.

And now I have to force myself into doing something like this.
I have to, like, specify that I would do some activity 2 hours a day or oh, I would do it today 5 or 10 hours today.

I think I kinda lost the ability to do something enjoyable.
Part of the reason is probably the lack of boredom.
Although, I am not sure.

I wish I could have my life structured this way:
Oh, I want to watch that anime - I would watch it. (And not like today - I would watch 6 anime episodes every day - no more or less)
I would start watching it and then stop when I feel bored.
And then "Oh, I want to read this visual novel"
Or "Oh, I want to play this book"
Or "Oh, I want to do THAT"
Like in "I genuinely DO WANT TO DO IT MYSELF WITHOUT ANY PLANS OR ANYTHING"
Just by the sheer fact that I would just want to do it and I would enjoy doing it.
Without anything and JUST LIKE THAT.

Like, playing a game without fixed time attached to it.
Just by the fact that you just like it and you just do it and you just want it.

...

I think this is the way that the 'studying' also needs to be structured.
Like, not relying on any plans or anything.
Just constantly asking yourself 'What do I really want to do right now? What I would find the most enjoyable?'
And then switching to that activity or something like that.

Like, being excited that you would make that project.
And genuinely wanting to do it yourself and doing it yourself.

I remember 3-4 years ago I read an article (or maybe it was in a video interview) about the development of the "Higurashi no Naku koro Ni" when Ryukishi said that he spent 16-18 hours a day the whole fucking year doing that.
Like he would only do that and nothing else and regretted that he is no longer capable of that because of his age.
And this is the reason that the 2nd chapter of his new Visual Novel is delayed and postponed.

This level of commitment.
This level of excitement.

Like, being so highly motivated, wanting to do something yourself that you would want to spend literally days without 'ohhhh plans plans plans plans i need to meet the criteria i would have to plan ohhh i would need to RESTRICT myself from things I would need to MAKE A DIARY so that it would MOTIVATE me"
Without any bullshit and JUST LIKE that doing that.
How fucking cool he is, I thought at that time.

So, yeah.
This note is gonna be kinda messy structured (and I guess all of the consequent ones would be, too), so that I wouldn't spend much time redacting it.
Sorry for that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

https://lnsf.itzzen.net/uploads/618e95ce59b3e9.75701451.png
I agree.
Totally unacceptable.

>>49386
Priority list:
1. University
2. Sleeping
3. Homework & Japanese & Programming (more than 5 hours in total).
4. Everything else

For example, on a day without going to university - I would spend the first 5 hours on the first (and, possibly, the last) chunk.
And would do everything else, literally everything else - later.

On a day with the university, I would spend the most time possible on a 'chunk' first (if there is such time), and then go to university, go back from it and continue (or start) doing what I've been doing.
Free time (i.e. everything else) - after that.

Also, since 'sleeping' is above 'university' - it means that there should be no restrictions to sacrifices regarding that.
So, yeah...
Attendance and classes are at utmost importance.
Even if it would mean that I won't sleep for a while on that day.
Even if it would mean that I won't do a 5-hour chunk on that day.

>>49386

> Considering that, I think it's healthy to say that in some days (possibly, all) I would allow myself having only one 5-hour chunk done.

One non-university 5-hour chunk.
So, yeah... there's not much room to move around.

>>49386

> I did what I could, the rest will be done tomorrow.

And I am completely free today.

Also, during my free time, I am free in doing everything - literally, anything - including the stuff that I am supposed to be doing during the actual 'chunks'.
The only difference that I am doing it without recording it, forcing myself or anything like that, just by the fact that I want to do it and that's all.

I am interested in what I'm doing during these chunks,
And so I can live without them, and they are probably just an unnecessary constructions being built over the top of my life, but
I need 'repeatatence'.
I need consistency.
So that I will know that I will do the stuff that I am supposed to do - every day - no matter what (with the exception to university, yeah...).

Also, the main idea that I am doing something productive for at least 5 (10) hours on my own.
The actual content of this 5 hour chunks does not matter that much, and all the stuff that I've said is just a recommendation for me.
Maybe on some day I will not be in a mood to do that particular activity, so that in order for me to do at least something - this is how it is.

Why exactly 5 hours per chunk?
Because the day is easily divisible by them.
I sleep for 9 hours per day, so there is 15 hours left per day, i.e. 3 chunks.
I am not productive the last 5 hours of my 'waking period', so.
That's why there's 10 hours left for something productive to be done.
And 5-10 hours being left for slacking.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I did 2 five-hour chunks today.
One university one, one the general (programming this time) one.