Ахуеть, видно что всё это копилось годами и годами. Думаю она не рассказала даже и половины того что у неё на уме.

И да снотворное зло.

First post:
I really, really want to get lost too, but I have to take care of my mom… Oh, I’ll probably be contacted and told I’m brainless again. That’s right. I’m brainless and I never learned anything properly. I had to earn money from a young

age because our family was struggling. Around the time of my dad’s passing, I cried once in the waiting room and one of the unnies [older member] told me that I was ruining everyone’s mood and told me not to cry, dragging me to the

closet of the waiting room. I told her I was so scared at the thought of my dad dying. I still can’t forget those words. Other bullying incidents? Other profanities? I can deal with them, even though they hurt. Because we rode the same

car, I was given a sedative and sleeping pills and put to sleep. I knew I had to do well at scheduled activities but I could feel myself breaking more and more. Because of her, I once tried to attempt suicide.

And I’m okay with not being acknowledged as an idol or an actor. I’m very bad at it, I’m still very lacking. But I’ve been so happy doing it and I worked really hard, it’s a job I really love. I’ve never felt stressed because of work. To

be honest, I really didn’t want to leave AOA but because of one person who hated me, I was bullied for 10 years and by the end, I was so angry that I wanted to curse at her just once. In the end, I gave up AOA. I used to enjoy promoting

with the other members. Recently, her father passed away. My heart ached and I felt strange because I knew what that feels like. I went to the funeral hall and as soon as she saw me, she cried and apologized. I felt so empty and my heart

crumbled. It felt like everything had emptied out, all of my resentment disappeared and everything felt okay. But because I was so broken, I was scared of being on hiatus. Of course, I’d anticipated it and thought I’d be okay if I

learned new things and got treated for depression, panic disorder, or anxiety.

But so many things happened during that hiatus. To be honest, I was worn out. Netizens? Just like what the people on the internet were saying, I didn’t know who I was anymore, I didn’t want to see myself anymore, and I thought of myself

as annoyingly loud. But I wasn’t born because I wanted to be born. I also have a mouth, I also have hands, I couldn’t control myself anymore, but I had to keep living for my mom. I don’t need people to like me or be interested in me,

can’t people just leave me alone? Because it’s all my fault.
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Oh, the reason I brought up that person in AOA is because my dad was diagnosed with late-stage pancreatic cancer and I knew he would pass away soon, but because I thought she would tell me off again, I had an acting job, we were making a

comeback so I didn’t want to negatively affect the other members as we were promoting, I had lines to learn and had to smile a lot, I felt like I couldn’t get caught up in thoughts of my dad and I needed to do my job properly, so I

couldn’t visit my dad at the hospital. Because of his cancer, he was skin and bones, and I couldn’t help but cry when I saw him. My sister would call and say that my dad couldn’t speak anymore but was still asking for me. But what if I

start crying during a scheduled activity? What if she says something to me again? I was so young and I thought that was what I needed to do. I thought that was the right thing to do and I didn’t want to get told off anymore. So I could

have seen my dad more but I didn’t. And when my father closed his eyes, I saw it and I heard the sound of the machine as his pulse flatlined. I was told that my dad had shakily written “Where is my daughter?” on a sketchbook and shown

the nurse, but I hadn’t been able to go see him because I was working. From what I heard, she’d been given a VIP room and her solo activities were canceled, but I hope that wasn’t the case. You should be professional, too.

Don’t cry, okay? You said it ruined the mood, you asked why you had to walk on eggshells because of me. You need to overcome it well, too. I still can’t erase the memory of what you said to me and how you acted. Even though the memories

are fainter, I remember them all. Whenever I remember them, I take medication and get through it. But I think what happened with my dad will stay with me for life. Those might have been words you spit out without much thought for me, but

those words were so hurtful to me. In our last five minutes together, I told you about how that had been hurtful, and you glared at me and said, “I don’t think I’m that much of a bad person that I would say something like that?” Another

member so courageously spoke up and said those were words you did say. I was so dispirited that I couldn’t speak and I thought to myself, ‘Is she even human?’ And we said our goodbyes. To be honest, I’m not that smart so I have really

bad memory but with you, the list is endless, there’s so much there. But I’ll only say that one thing because who knows, I terminated my contract with the agency but what if they ask me to pay for breach of contract? I haven’t said

everything, so it’s okay, right? Because of you, I take numerous pills and because I cut my left wrist so much, the nerves are damaged so it stings and aches. But when I look at my mom, I feel the will to live, I need to go make money.

So I’m working hard to undergo scar treatment, although I still have nightmares. What’s funny is that before I left, we [AOA members] would have drinks together without you and talk, but still, none of us can figure it out? Why do you

hate me?
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Jimin posts and deletes story saying "Fiction"
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I’ve only said one of out one trillion things that exist. Try saying it’s fiction, you’ll be punished by the heavens. Don’t be like that.

There are witnesses and evidence. I’m sorry but there’s no need to hear from both sides because I did nothing wrong. During our last days together, I wanted to get hair implants but I was late to get to the dance practice room because

the anesthesia wasn’t wearing off. I called in advance but as soon as I heard your voice, I knew you would throw things into chaos so I couldn’t go to the dance practice room. And that day, I tried to commit suicide again. That’s my

biggest fault [to you]. I’ve said everything I’ve done wrong, so should I share stories about you now? There’s so many that it would be bothersome to write them all down. But to say this is fiction, if you had a conscience.. Why did you

delete it? Try calling it fiction, there will be quite a lot of people who would be dumbfounded to hear that. Oh right, even back then, you said you couldn’t remember and you said you weren’t a bad person who would say things like that,

right? Wow, it must be nice to be able to erase your memory like that. They say the person who says hurtful words usually can’t remember them. Please erase my memory too. Please, please. Then again, you probably could see my wrist and

not feel any guilt, right? You’d probably curse right at my face.
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Fiction? This is too scary to even be called fiction. I underwent three to four rounds of scar treatment and it’s become fainter. But I’m going crazy every day because your memory won’t disappear, Jimin. Laws? Lawsuits? I don’t have the

money to do that. Psychological damages? I don’t need any of it. I have no plans to do that, I’m just so, so sad that I’m so broken because of you, and it hurts and I’m tired. What I want is for you to come to me and admit to your faults

and sincerely apologize to me. I think that’s all I need. The person who tormented me seems to be totally fine. When waking up every morning is so painful for me. But I need to provide for my family.

So admit to your faults and apologize, so I can let go of what’s built up in my heart, okay?

You must be finding it difficult to just come and apologize to me. Every time we got a new manager, you’d say that I was scary and just pretending to be stupid. Why did you say I was scary and pretending to be stupid? You’d say I was

acting stuck up just because I went to auditions and when I worked hard to diet so my face would look nicer, you’d say, “Mina, what’s wrong with your body? I hate seeing it. Gain some weight.” When we were trainees, you’d hit me and say

it was because I was at the front. We’d have to say, “Did you have a good night’s rest?” “Yes, I’m sorry,” and “Thank you” in a formal tone to you. Everything had to go your way, you could bring anyone you wanted to the dorms. It was so

noisy that I went to the practice room to sleep. You’d say things like, “Hey, hasn’t so-and-so changed these days?” and go around targeting different members.

Oh right, remember when I didn’t greet you first at the hair and makeup shop and I got an earful, or don’t you? That’s only the light stuff. There are so many things that were so much worse over 10 years. But thanks to you, I have

nothing to lose and I’m not afraid of anything? Because my source of fear was you, your existence caused me stress. You couldn’t have seen that from my previous posts till now, right? It just became a part of my life and now, I’ve

forgotten it all and all I’m left with is mental illness. Along with some harsh words. Every time I wrote a will, I would include your name. I thought maybe when you read it one day, you’d feel guilty. I’d have stress-induced convulsions

and collapse, I’d attempt to commit suicide and collapse, my mom would cry, and my sister is battling cancer, but they’d have to keep going to the emergency room because of me. I’ve never talked back to you, and have I ever done anything

wrong from when we were trainees to when we debuted and promoted? If I did, tell me. Did you not like me because I wasn’t good at flattery? But I still did my best. Whether I was told off or not, I would smile and keep approaching you,

putting aside my pride. I was amazed to hear that you were taking prescribed medication for your mental health and were having a hard time. You said everything you wanted to say and did almost everything you wanted to do, you were so

selfish. I was so envious of you. Of course, everyone has struggles but at least you were able to freely express that? I always had to push it down. I’m not in the right state of mind right now. But the person who made me like this is

you. The person who made my family suffer is you. I used to be strong mentally. When I was a trainee, I’d say it was because you’re the leader and told myself to pity you.

But it’s still the same after all these years. I couldn’t tell anyone that I was suffering because of you. Things finally exploded when it came time to renew contracts and that’s when my family found out. Did my family ever say something

to you? Even when their daughter was attempted to commit suicide because of someone, they never got angry. You were able to cry when you wanted to and you received so much comfort. I was worried you’d tell me off again so for 10 years..

How did I spend that time? By the end, I had almost 200 sleeping pills because of you. I collapsed and I have no memory of that. I wrote your name on an A4 piece of paper and told my mom that I was sorry, and that’s how I still live

every day. I’m broken as much as I can be broken. Because of me, my mom is also suffering from depression, did you know? You are the one person who makes me not want to live, I’m serious, you’re the only reason. Even if you came and

sincerely apologized to me, I’m already broken so I collapse, I suddenly start crying, I take out a knife, I write ‘Shin Ji Min’ down on a piece of paper. I’m so broken and I’m so full of anger that my heart aches and I feel like I’m

going crazy. I’m sorry to my mom, dad, and sister. Can’t you at least tell me why you hate me? With everything you did to me, you can’t say that you didn’t hate me. I’m so upset. I feel upset whenever I open my eyes. I feel like I’m

going crazy. It’s so difficult. When you were sitting in the front passenger seat and turn back to us, my heart would start racing because I thought you’d say something to me. I want an apology from you. What will that do? I don’t know.

But I feel like I need to something because I’m so angry.

There’s no reason for why you tormented me, is there? Shin Ji Min, huh? I wish you could feel what I feel for just one day, I wish I could go back in time and change one day with you. You’ve had a comfortable life. Say something. Let’s

hear it. What did you hate about me that much? Huh? I really hate you too. If it wasn’t for you, what would I be like now? At least I probably wouldn’t be crying every day, having nightmares every day, and trying to attempt suicide,

right? Because I did nothing to do, I honestly want to go around talking about you and telling people that I have a mental illness because of you. That’s why I’m like this now, sad, isn’t it? It’s finally boiling over after being pent

up. I can’t hold it in anymore, I can’t hide it anymore.

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I heard you took medication and fell asleep, must be nice. I’m dunking my head in my sink and trying to not cry. I can eat more than ten sleeping pills and not fall asleep, amazing, isn’t it? I’ll stay up for days so I can sleep. Even if

I slit my wrists and the floor of our house is covered in blood, I zone out. I blankly think about when I’m going to die, and some people have come running to save me, right? Why does there have to be so many people who are suffering

because of me? Are you sleeping well? As soon as I heard that, I got angry again, teared up, and filled with rage. I’m strange, so strange. Try living a life where you have to dunk your head in the sink all the time. It sucks. You are

such a bad person. You have to know that. I want to sleep too. I want to get a proper night’s sleep too. Why does everyone around me have to suffer because of you? Why did you make me such a bad person? I want to stop worrying people.

But I’m so angry, I’m so upset, I feel like I’m going crazy. Stop sleeping and apologize. Wake up, let me stop feeling broken anymore. Wow, I’m so angry.
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My dream probably won’t come true, right? But if you’re a human being, you shouldn’t act like that. And FNC Entertainment, I told them everything at the end. I was half out of my mind, I couldn’t even open my eyes properly, and I

stuttered. I hadn’t fully recovered from taking hundreds of sleeping pills but I told them it was because of Jimin and they wouldn’t listen to me. Who should I talk to? I shouldn’t get angry? I’m like this every day. I’ve been living

like this every day and you just didn’t know because I didn’t talk about it. From when I was 21 years old [Korean age reckoning], I’ve been hiding my medicine bottles and secretly taking medication so I could hold on. I’ve lived like

this. Shin Ji Min, because of you. Because of that person who is sleeping so well right now.
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To all those who are suffering because of someone.. Fight. Don’t hold it in. Or grab someone and tell them. Sleeping pills? Don’t take them. It will never end. Don’t live like me. Don’t hold it in. Do everything you want to do and
express yourself. Please live like that.