>met abt 3 y ago in discord

>we were both NEETS, 21, into philosophy, music, etc

>intelligent, incredibly well read (100+ books/year), into poetry, was insanely well versed in music, listened to almost everything I have + more, had good 4chan humor, super cute voice

>basically perfect

>fell in love, felt like being on mdma and acid 24/7

>she reciprocated at first

>she's from Ukraine

>met up in Moscow after 3 months, she was traveling there anyway to a 'friend'

>she turned cold on me and distanced herself without an explanation after the first meeting

>turns out that friend was her first love, they fucked 4+ years ago but still

>she just chilled with him (without sex)

>I suffered so much after that it's insane

>contacted her 16 months later

>she's now a uni student, studying philosophy

>has a sexual partner that she calls up only for sex

>participated in psilocybin orgies

>basically a normie socially speaking

>basically tells me to fuck off after abt 10? hours of talking by calling me a loser

>got my first manic episode abt a month later

>spent 2 months in a psych ward, bipolar disorder

>later I tried traveling to Ukraine and beating the shit out of her after that but was stopped at border control cos I was high on ketamine

>live almost 4 days in the airport

>now I miss her so much I want to contact her again