> I suffered for many years feeling constantly scarce and not good enough. I looked to shopping and toxic consumption to make myself feel better. I ate mindlessly without appreciating the precious resources and energy used in growing my food. I did not feel compassion for all living beings. I turned away from the suffering of other living beings including myself. I partied, got drunk, did drugs, and used my family's hard-earned money on toxic entertainment and useless material things. I ignored my loved-ones and blamed them for not meeting my expectation of perfectionism. I said terrible things. I had so much anger inside of me. I was passive-aggressive, violent with my words, and critical of other people. I hated being vulnerable. I hated not knowing what I was doing. I hated how insecure and anxious I was. But I looked completely fine and happy externally even though I was suffering deeply. I looked sociable, I was making friends, building relationships, and I had everything I needed to survive. But my inside was rotting and I felt so exhausted with keeping up with my outer shell. It took me many years to finally realize that I must first love myself and be gentle with my negative traits to break this cycle of negativity. I needed to accept my inner struggles of shame, anger, guilt, and helplessness in order to rise above it. Even now, it is not like I no longer have these feelings but I am able to accept my own imperfections with forgiveness. And I am able to grow stronger as I continue to overcome my inner conflict. ✨